Following this journey to lose weight and get healthy reminds me of another journey I took about 5 years ago. That journey was to quit smoking. I had been "trying" to quit off and on since my son was born (and that was 12 years ago). I would quit for a while and then go back to it. Sometimes I would quit for months at a time. But then I would fall back into it and it would be months or years before I would try again. Finally about 5 years ago I was ready to quit for good. My hubby quit as well, so we did it together. It was hard, but we did it, and now we are at the 5 year mark. My relationship with food is very similar.
This past weekend I was on vacation up in Wisconsin Dells. Now I knew going into this that it was going to be food heaven, and I even kinda knew that I would be "falling off the wagon" as far as my eating plan goes. But my falling off the wagon started about a week before vacation. I realized today that it's been over 2 weeks since I tracked my food, and that was being half-assed at best. And once again, my weight hasn't really budged. I am happy in the fact that I did manage to lose a pound over the weekend, but overall, I'm at yet another plateau. And it's my own damned fault.
So in sets the guilt and kicking myself in the ass. And with that comes the lecture I'm giving myself. We are looking at a September surgery date and it's just about the end of June. So we are now talking less than 3 months till surgery. I need to get my ass back on track and stay there. I need to track my food, EVERY DAY, no matter how good or how bad and make better food choices. I need to start my nightly walking routine. I need to get my house in order so that when I do have surgery things are in order and not in chaos. I need to find that positive attitude I had a month ago and keep the momentum going. This isn't a matter of IF I have the surgery and IF I succeed, it's a matter of WHEN I have the surgery and WHEN I succeed. I refuse to stay at 350+ pounds the rest of my life (however short that would be with keeping this weight). I NEED to lose 200 pounds, and I am the one who has to make this happen. I know I have the support of my family and friends, but the bottom line is this is up to me. I am not going to go through all the trouble of having this surgery to have it fail.
So I need to continue to give myself the pep talks, and I need to continue to ask my circle of friends and family to help give me the pep talks. So please, if I ask for your help, your guidance, your ear while I scream and yell, or your shoulder to cry on, I thank you in advance for providing it.
Don't beat yourself up too badly. The difference between quitting smoking and addressing eating issues is that you can NEVER pick up a cigarette again for as long as you live. With food, you can't do that. You have to eat SOMETHING to live. One day at a time. One step at a time. And if you take a step backwards, just look at how far you've come, get up, get back on track, and look forward!
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