A Bit of Guilt and Self-Ass Kicking

Following this journey to lose weight and get healthy reminds me of another journey I took about 5 years ago.  That journey was to quit smoking.  I had been "trying" to quit off and on since my son was born (and that was 12 years ago).  I would quit for a while and then go back to it.  Sometimes I would quit for months at a time.  But then I would fall back into it and it would be months or years before I would try again.  Finally about 5 years ago I was ready to quit for good.  My hubby quit as well, so we did it together.  It was hard, but we did it, and now we are at the 5 year mark.  My relationship with food is very similar.

This past weekend I was on vacation up in Wisconsin Dells.  Now I knew going into this that it was going to be food heaven, and I even kinda knew that I would be "falling off the wagon" as far as my eating plan goes.  But my falling off the wagon started about a week before vacation.  I realized today that it's been over 2 weeks since I tracked my food, and that was being half-assed at best.  And once again, my weight hasn't really budged.  I am happy in the fact that I did manage to lose a pound over the weekend, but overall, I'm at yet another plateau.  And it's my own damned fault.

So in sets the guilt and kicking myself in the ass.  And with that comes the lecture I'm giving myself.  We are looking at a September surgery date and it's just about the end of June.  So we are now talking less than 3 months till surgery.  I need to get my ass back on track and stay there.  I need to track my food, EVERY DAY, no matter how good or how bad and make better food choices.  I need to start my nightly walking routine.  I need to get my house in order so that when I do have surgery things are in order and not in chaos.  I need to find that positive attitude I had a month ago and keep the momentum going.  This isn't a matter of IF I have the surgery and IF I succeed, it's a matter of WHEN I have the surgery and WHEN I succeed.  I refuse to stay at 350+ pounds the rest of my life (however short that would be with keeping this weight).  I NEED to lose 200 pounds, and I am the one who has to make this happen.  I know I have the support of my family and friends, but the bottom line is this is up to me.  I am not going to go through all the trouble of having this surgery to have it fail.

So I need to continue to give myself the pep talks, and I need to continue to ask my circle of friends and family to help give me the pep talks.  So please, if I ask for your help, your guidance, your ear while I scream and yell, or your shoulder to cry on, I thank you in advance for providing it.

Weekly update #6

It has been an exciting week.  On Monday I had my yearly physical, just need to do a couple of routine tests and blood work.  Then I go back to see my primary to get all the test results.  On Tuesday I had pre-op class #2.  Yesterday, hubby and I saw the surgeon.  Next step is to get all the paperwork organized and submitted to the insurance company for pre-approval.  It will take the bariatric center about 2 weeks to get it all together (and for the doctor to dictate all his notes) and then submit it.  It usually takes about 4 weeks to hear back from them.

The surgeon also agreed that we are looking at early September for a surgery date. Then I'll be out for 2-3 weeks and then probably work from home for a week or two before starting the commute again.  If the timing goes how I think it will, I will be back to work (from home) just in time for quarter-end, which will make my boss and teammates happy.  Since I'm in finance, I tend to look at things by the quarter, and considering that we are fast approaching the end of Q2, it's amazing to think that by the end of Q3 I will be done with surgery.

While we were waiting to see the surgeon, hubby and I were talking about the foods I will and will not be able to eat after surgery...I think I'll write a whole different post on that cause it'll be a long one.  :-)

I sometime wonder who is reading this blog and what they think about it.  Unless people comment on my posts, I don't know who is reading.  Something happened last night that really helped me to feel good about my support group, especially the ones I don't even realize are rooting for me.  I saw an old friend at her Mom's wake.  We were friends in high school, and I haven't seen her in about 20 years, but we have been friends on Facebook for a while now.  While we were talking she told me that she has been following this blog and is very proud and excited at what I am doing.  I can't begin to describe how good that made me feel.  So to that friend, and you know who you are, I say THANK YOU!!

Weekly update #5

Yes, yes, I know, it's been much longer than a week.  Life has been so busy there hasn't been time to write.

I saw the dietitian (Erin) on May 27.  It was my final appointment with her (but I can contact her any time with questions).  We talked about the after surgery guidelines and the special diet I will need to do for the 2 weeks prior to surgery.  The diet will help to shrink the liver by minimizing the amount of sugar (carbohydrates) consumed.  It will be heavy in protein and veggies.  My final class (#4) is going to give me more specific details on this diet.  Then we talked briefly about the post-surgery diet.

I have other goals to strive for as well.  I need to have my added sugar be less than 7 grams per serving.  Since that is added sugar, I don't count the sugar from fresh/frozen fruits/veggies, or whole grains, or milk.  My fiber goals are 3-5 grams per serving and 25 grams per day.

One of my biggest challenges will be not eating and drinking at the same time.  I can't drink for 30 minutes before and 30 minutes after my meal.  Erin did tell me that it will be much easier after surgery because I will wind up vomiting if I drink while I eat.

The really good news - On their scale I lost 5 more pounds!

Next week I see my primary doc on Monday and I have a form for him to fill out to turn in to the bariatric center - and then I have pre-op class #2 on Tuesday.  After that class I will get the call for the appointment with the surgeon.

I asked Erin if she had an idea how much longer till surgery and she is guessing September.  Which is what I was figuring too.