Need to Vent/Rant

Life is NOT always Sunshine and Roses, that's for sure.  And sometimes one just needs to vent.  So that's what this post is all about.  I need to vent!!

And what do I need to vent about???  PREDNISONE!!!  I HATE THIS DRUG!!!  Why do I hate this drug??  Because I hate the person I become when I'm on this drug!!  I want to just crawl into a hole until I can be weaned off prednisone.

Common side effects of Prednisone that I am currently experiencing:

• difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep (OH YEAH...only going on 4 hours of sleep today!)
• extreme changes in mood (you got it!!)
• changes in personality (yep)
• extreme tiredness (sometimes)
• weak muscles (sometimes)
• heartburn (Yep....not too often, but when it does it wakes me up in the middle of the night)
• increased sweating (Yep)
• irritability (that's an understatement)
• increased hunger (sometimes all I want to do is eat)

 So you can see why I hate this drug.  The moodiness is horrible.  I'm surprised hubby hasn't thrown me out of the house yet!  I'm doing my best to keep it under control, but it's not easy.  I'm about in tears right now from the moodiness, and a coworker just asked if I'm ok because I'm too quiet.  I told him that it was safer this way.  I don't want to open my mouth and say the wrong thing to the wrong person.

Last night I got 4 hours of sleep.  The night before I think it was 5 or so.  And it's not a constant sleep.  I'm waking up way too often. The heartburn gets really bad too, where I'm spitting up bile and my chest is just burning.  

I see my GI on Thursday and I'm going to demand we start me tapering off this drug.  And if the Crohn's complications flare up again, we need to find a better way to treat them.  This is the last time for this drug.  I REFUSE to go on it again.

Please, all I ask for is prayers and understanding.  I need support now more than ever.  I feel like I'm falling apart and that nobody understands.  And if I do or say anything to anger or upset someone, I apologize in advance.  And if I'm too quiet, please know that it's not you, it's me.  I'm trying really hard to stay in control and being quiet is one way I know how to do it.

4 months post-surgery

My surgery was 4 months ago today.  Since surgery, I have lost 54 pounds for a total overall loss of 111 pounds.  I'm feeling pretty good and I'm still amazing at how well I can move around.  As I told hubby the other day, 1/4 of me is gone. I'm looking forward to making that become 1/2 of me gone.

The prednisone isn't too bad...but I do notice increased "hunger" which happens a lot when on this drug.  I've also noticed a bit of insomnia, but it's hard to say if that is from the drug or from stuff going on that is weighing down my mind.  The spots on my legs seem to be lessening a bit, but they are still painful.

I had read a while back that many bariatric surgery patients feel the cold much more easily post-surgery than they did pre-surgery.  Boy is that a true statement!! With the cold temperatures and wind-chills I feel like I've been frozen the last few days.  The worst is my feet and my hands...sometimes they feel like blocks of ice.  I look forward to warmer weather already!!

Another Milestone

Today I am at 391 pounds, which means I have lost an even 50 pounds since surgery on Sept 9, 2014 (total overall loss is 107 pounds).  I'm very excited about this.

I have changed the stats in the right column to now reflect monthly loss instead of weekly, to make it easier to see the progression.

I just started the Prednisone yesterday, so now I need to be a really good girl about what I'm putting into my body.  I am also going to join the gym here at the office so at the very least, I can get back into walking and not worry about freezing my butt off.  Hubby and I need to figure out a gym schedule that works for us for the evenings...which is totally doable.

I am excited that I have managed to continue to lose throughout the holiday season, and I find this very encouraging to reach that goal of the next 100 pounds.  I'll be sure to celebrate when I reach 248 (which is 150 total) and then the BIG celebration when I reach 198!!  I'm looking forward to it.

I really put it in perspective when I was talking to hubby the other day.  I have now lost 1/4 of me!  And that is a good thing indeed!!!

A minor setback

I know it's been a while since I've written an update.  Things have been really busy with the holidays.  It was a good time, and I did well with my eating...I didn't stuff myself, but I was still able to enjoy myself.  The kids had a great Christmas and to that I am very, very grateful.

About a week ago, I started noticing some red spots on my legs.  They kinda look like bug bites.  Well, the last time this happened, it was pyroderma gangranosm and results in me having to have artificial skin grafts done on a sore on my leg.  It is a side-effect of having Crohn's disease.  So when this started up again, I thought it was that coming back.  After talking to my primary and my GI, we think it is actually a condition called Erythema Nodosum.

From MedicineNet.com:

What is erythema nodosum?

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Erythema nodosum is a type of skin inflammation that is located in a certain portion of the fatty layer of skin. Erythema nodosum (also called EN) results in reddish, painful, tender lumps most commonly located in the front of the legs below the knees. The tender lumps, or nodules, of erythema nodosum range in size from one to five centimeters. The nodular swelling is caused by a inflammation in the fatty layer of skin.

This is another condition that can go along with having Crohn's disease.  So the bottom line is that I have to go on Prednisone.  The last time I was on this drug, I gained a tremendous amount of weight and was extremely moody among other things.  Of course, the last time I was on it, I was on it off and on...actually more on than off....for bout 18 months.  I expressed my dismay to the GI and how I really did not want to go on this drug.  So he is putting me on a bit of a lower dose and he hopes to be able to taper me off pretty quickly.  I just need to be on it long enough to knock out this condition and then I'll be off.  So it will be only temporary.

I admit as soon as I got off the phone with him, I almost burst into tears.  The only reason I didn't was that I was at work at the time.  My next reaction is that I just wanted to punch something I was so angry.  Of course, I did not do that, but that was how I felt at the time.  I eventually settled down and was off work about 1/2 hour later.  I then talked to hubby about it, and he was very reassuring, and just kept reminding me that it was only going to be temporary.  

The main thing is that I don't go into a full-blown Crohn's flare, which can happen.  We sure as hell don't want that.  So I will do what the doc wants me to do, and it will all be ok.

In the meantime, my legs are sore, I won't deny that.  The spots mainly only hurt when they are touched (by both my hands or sometimes by the fabric of my pants), and there is an overlying ache in both my legs.  Hopefully this will all be resolved soon.

I'm trying to stay positive and continue to take things one day at a time.

Thanks again to everyone for all the love and support.  You will never know what it means to me.